“When you’re in over your head, I’ll be there with you. When you’re in rough waters, you will not go down. When you’re between a rock and a hard place, it won’t be a dead end.”
Isaiah 43:2 MSG
10 years ago I was holding my 4-week old son in my arms, heartbroken, alone, and full of shame. See, for so long, all I wanted was for someone to love me. I prayed and prayed and prayed but nothing happened. I was still single and alone. So, after years of frustration, I dove into a relationship that, in hindsight, was doomed from the beginning. That unfulfilled desire for love and companionship consumed me. Instead of leaning in and trusting God, I let my feelings guide me. That led to one rocky 18-month ride, which ultimately resulted in my wonderful son.
I didn’t know it then, but I do now, that with every selfish in-the-moment compromise I made, I was giving up on God. I stopped believing. I stopped trusting. I stopped nurturing that relationship completely. I had drifted so far away from Him that I truly felt like the prodigal son (or, in this case, daughter) – afraid that there was no way back. But, like the story of the prodigal son, God was waiting with open arms. I so love that even when we’ve given up on Him, He doesn’t give up on us.
Fast-forward to today and all I can say is God is so faithful. This beautifully broken journey brought me back to Him in depths I couldn’t have imagined possible. It took a lot of tears, a lot of honest conversations, a lot of stepping beyond my comfort zone, a ton of forgiveness, and a whole lot of surrender but it was worth it. He was refining my character and re-building my heart piece-by-piece. He taught me how to persevere, to trust, to surrender, to forgive, to be joyful in all circumstances.
I’m still in process but I can say is that I am not the same person I was (and I’m beyond grateful). My life is full of joy because I know who holds me, goes before me, and is for me. I still don’t have that special someone but I know God has that for me. The difference is now I’m content to wait because I want who God has for me, in His timing.
This is one small piece of my story. I’m sharing it, with all honesty and candour, not because it’s comfortable or easy but because it’s a testimony to the grace, love, and faithfulness of God. His promises are ‘yes’ and ‘amen’……..”When you’re in over your head, I’ll be there with you….”
Ashley Anne Kruger 